Photo: Stacy Lanyon
I found out about the call to Occupy Wall Street from a tweet. My family and friends were't really interested in the geopolitics that I was beginning to study during the Summer of 2011, aside from one or two exceptions. I was very reliant on social media for the research because I didn't have people in my life to learn about the many histories of fighting for freedom that have existed. I found pieces of information from people still alive who were fighting and speaking their truth, but I was lacking a broad and well formulated narrative. I was confused about what would come of all of the uprisings, but I was excited about all of the seemingly new and promising things people were doing. Around August 11th, someone put out a tweet inviting people to an action-planning meeting for Occupy Wall Street. I went down to Tompkins Square Park that Saturday.
At the time, going to the meeting was mostly an attempt to make sense of all the words and images of resistance that I had begun to see springing up around the world that were so absent from my day-to-day experience. I wanted to feel like what was happening all over the globe was real and being done for real reasons. I wanted to not have to feel crazy for being angry. I wanted to know that there were actual people out there I could connect with, not just Twitter handles, who cared about everyone's survival and well-being. I did end up connecting with people from regions all around the globe. It was the stories they told me that filled in so many gaps I had in understanding the universal oppression the under-class is facing all around the world.
It wasn't just the stories people told me that changed me. The early gatherings that were actively critical of authority, power and lack of access gave me a vocabulary and the strength to resist social controls that I had not had prior to the occupation. Most of my life, I had been struggling with social anxieties, a lack of friends, a lack of feeling important, a lack of feeling that I was able to do things that I needed to do. Being around those people gave me the tools and confidence I needed to transcend the limitations I had placed on myself since I was a kid, because of all of the social conditioning. I met others like me who were on similar journeys, who were fun and really nice and really wanted to see things get better for everyone, and who were really interested in actively liberating themselves from all of the things that had kept and continue to keep us trapped--old ways of behaving and being. We all found each other.
I had done a lot of performance. What I got most from things like that were feeling and getting experience directly confronting the fears inside my head that I tend to project onto others like, “Oh, that person is going to judge me because I look this way or that way.” When I was feeling weakest against the pressure, I'd change my behavior based on what I imagined other people were thinking about and judging me for. I didn't realize it years ago, but those anxieties I had were very much connected to the same broad, anti-oppressive struggles around gender, sexuality, race, class and all the other -isms I identify with now.
I didn't have enough of an understanding about intersectionality to know that it would actually be in my interest to be an active ally and supporter of these social movements. The stern judgement and ridicule I received as a kid left me with no confidence. That was enough of a deterrent to keep me from being a good ally to the goals of anti-oppression struggles. The intense pressure to be a strong and straight little boy who was meant to grow into a strong man who made a lot of money was debilitating and all-consuming. I couldn't ever feel comfortable being who I was. I didn't want anyone to stay trapped in that same disempowered place. I guess this is what drew me to Occupy. It was a chance to learn how to be free with people who wanted basically the same thing.
At the time, going to the meeting was mostly an attempt to make sense of all the words and images of resistance that I had begun to see springing up around the world that were so absent from my day-to-day experience. I wanted to feel like what was happening all over the globe was real and being done for real reasons. I wanted to not have to feel crazy for being angry. I wanted to know that there were actual people out there I could connect with, not just Twitter handles, who cared about everyone's survival and well-being. I did end up connecting with people from regions all around the globe. It was the stories they told me that filled in so many gaps I had in understanding the universal oppression the under-class is facing all around the world.
It wasn't just the stories people told me that changed me. The early gatherings that were actively critical of authority, power and lack of access gave me a vocabulary and the strength to resist social controls that I had not had prior to the occupation. Most of my life, I had been struggling with social anxieties, a lack of friends, a lack of feeling important, a lack of feeling that I was able to do things that I needed to do. Being around those people gave me the tools and confidence I needed to transcend the limitations I had placed on myself since I was a kid, because of all of the social conditioning. I met others like me who were on similar journeys, who were fun and really nice and really wanted to see things get better for everyone, and who were really interested in actively liberating themselves from all of the things that had kept and continue to keep us trapped--old ways of behaving and being. We all found each other.
I had done a lot of performance. What I got most from things like that were feeling and getting experience directly confronting the fears inside my head that I tend to project onto others like, “Oh, that person is going to judge me because I look this way or that way.” When I was feeling weakest against the pressure, I'd change my behavior based on what I imagined other people were thinking about and judging me for. I didn't realize it years ago, but those anxieties I had were very much connected to the same broad, anti-oppressive struggles around gender, sexuality, race, class and all the other -isms I identify with now.
I didn't have enough of an understanding about intersectionality to know that it would actually be in my interest to be an active ally and supporter of these social movements. The stern judgement and ridicule I received as a kid left me with no confidence. That was enough of a deterrent to keep me from being a good ally to the goals of anti-oppression struggles. The intense pressure to be a strong and straight little boy who was meant to grow into a strong man who made a lot of money was debilitating and all-consuming. I couldn't ever feel comfortable being who I was. I didn't want anyone to stay trapped in that same disempowered place. I guess this is what drew me to Occupy. It was a chance to learn how to be free with people who wanted basically the same thing.
I was living at the park. Initially, I just laid out some
cardboard and slept out. My intention was to stay there until we made the world into something better. I thought there was a distinct possibility that I'd get arrested for sleeping out, but I was determined to stay. I didn't really understand until after the eviction the importance of what it meant to be participating in such a struggle against the destruction of the commons by private property that marginalizes ancient relationships between living things and the land. I’m just so pissed off that I and
everyone I care about didn't get a chance to make the
world what we wanted it to be, and we just have to sort of go along with all of
the horrible shit. The riot cops stomped out tents and tossed the remains of our village into the trash. The cruelty and destruction all done to maintain and gain power. This can't be allowed to continue. I still think building strong communities of solidarity committed to anti-oppression remains one of our best defenses against power.
Recently, I’ve been failing at trying to exist in this world without money. I’m trying to destroy money by not cooperating with it. It’s not really working out. I think mostly I’ve been learning about cryptography, so I can build technology that can help us organize and communicate without being monitored by the government. There are just so many terrible things going on. I just feel like people want to be able to be happy, to live in a world that isn’t causing terrible pain to so many people, to anyone.
I’d like to see all people and communities having the ability to create and choose the lives they want to live. What I saw happen in the park has happened so many times before, where people try to get together, try to make something because they think it would aide in the betterment of themselves and those they care about. Then, the state comes and squashes it or some other army comes and squashes it. I want to bring about a world where people are empowered to make the world, to not just be surviving, but to actually find some joy in living, creating, and hopefully make it a place where people can get enough of the things they need, so that they can be happy. Then, it would be easier for everyone to be friends instead of enemies. In that, I hope we can make war irrelevant.
I think that there are lots of things that are possible. We can build really extraordinary things. We can fly out in space and explore. I think our potential could be bad. We could be space colonizers, but we could also choose to be really kind, aware, non-oppressive beings that just want to exist and feel whole and happy without it meaning something else has to suffer. I think our potential as a collaborating species is nearly limitless. There are some physical limits, like we can’t build things that are too large. The laws of nature and physics will still apply to the creations of our imaginations, but I think we can still choose any plethora of things we'd like to make real together.
I think that's a practice I would like people to continue--to imagine beyond what exists now, so we can dream about what can exist in the future and work together to make those dreams a reality. I would like to choose and co-create dreams with people without armies dismantling our villages. I would like to live in a world where people actually are able to choose what they want. I would like to be able to choose, and I was never given that opportunity by all of the structures of power that have taken over our world. True freedom will never be given to us by the structures of power that have worked to dominate our society and the world. We will have to take back our stolen futures from fear and repression somehow.
Interview by Stacy Lanyon
http://buildingcompassionthroughaction.blogspot.com/
https://www.facebook.com/stacylanyon
https://instagram.com/stacylanyon/
https://twitter.com/StacyLanyon
http://stacylanyon.com/
Recently, I’ve been failing at trying to exist in this world without money. I’m trying to destroy money by not cooperating with it. It’s not really working out. I think mostly I’ve been learning about cryptography, so I can build technology that can help us organize and communicate without being monitored by the government. There are just so many terrible things going on. I just feel like people want to be able to be happy, to live in a world that isn’t causing terrible pain to so many people, to anyone.
I’d like to see all people and communities having the ability to create and choose the lives they want to live. What I saw happen in the park has happened so many times before, where people try to get together, try to make something because they think it would aide in the betterment of themselves and those they care about. Then, the state comes and squashes it or some other army comes and squashes it. I want to bring about a world where people are empowered to make the world, to not just be surviving, but to actually find some joy in living, creating, and hopefully make it a place where people can get enough of the things they need, so that they can be happy. Then, it would be easier for everyone to be friends instead of enemies. In that, I hope we can make war irrelevant.
I think that there are lots of things that are possible. We can build really extraordinary things. We can fly out in space and explore. I think our potential could be bad. We could be space colonizers, but we could also choose to be really kind, aware, non-oppressive beings that just want to exist and feel whole and happy without it meaning something else has to suffer. I think our potential as a collaborating species is nearly limitless. There are some physical limits, like we can’t build things that are too large. The laws of nature and physics will still apply to the creations of our imaginations, but I think we can still choose any plethora of things we'd like to make real together.
I think that's a practice I would like people to continue--to imagine beyond what exists now, so we can dream about what can exist in the future and work together to make those dreams a reality. I would like to choose and co-create dreams with people without armies dismantling our villages. I would like to live in a world where people actually are able to choose what they want. I would like to be able to choose, and I was never given that opportunity by all of the structures of power that have taken over our world. True freedom will never be given to us by the structures of power that have worked to dominate our society and the world. We will have to take back our stolen futures from fear and repression somehow.
Interview by Stacy Lanyon
http://buildingcompassionthroughaction.blogspot.com/
https://www.facebook.com/stacylanyon
https://instagram.com/stacylanyon/
https://twitter.com/StacyLanyon
http://stacylanyon.com/